Now that the US Marines and Army infantry are succeeding in their mission of bringing security and stability to Iraq, the army national guard, in keeping with their decades-old tradition of "troop welfare before mission accomplishment", has begun to replace those large, cumbersome, "no fun" MRAPs with vehicles more suited to their preferred lifestyle of rest, relaxation, and good old-fashioned fun. No more of that pesky armor-plating to block their views of local high school girl hangouts and hookah shops, these new trucks are much more conducive to a carefree drive along the Tigris or cruising the slums of Habbaniyah for women of ill-repute, filling many of these soldiers with a sense of nostalgia that helps them feel right back home. The stylish flames painstakingly painted on the hood are reminiscent of many a prized, 1987 Chevy S-10 sitting in gravel driveways, awaiting glorious returns back home. The smiley faces stretched across the roll bar boast "Hey! I didn't come here to fight! I just signed up for the college money!" So kudos to you, Armies of Fun, I mean One, you are true personifications of the old credo, "true leaders lead from the front". (of the chow hall line)
*Disclaimer- If you are an officer in the national guard and do not knowingly cut ahead of the troops in your charge at the chow hall on Thanksgivng Day, you are exempt from this satirical post.
**Disclaimer- If you are an enlisted soldier and refuse to throw down your weapon in the face of direct enemy contact, you too are exempt from this post.
2 comments:
I read that posting set to the tune of the Michelob commercial. That is definetely not a war wagon of the sort 1st Platoon was originally issued at Camp Guardian, open rear hatch and soft skin all around...oh yes...and we drove it all over Highway 10 and into more than a few towns, all the while tempting fate and daring every heathen bastard from Ramadi to Fallujah to take their best shot. --Matty
Time for totally unrelated Marine jokes...
A young Marine officer was in a serious car accident, but the only visible permanent injury was to both of his ears, which were amputated. Since he wasn't physically impaired he remained in the Marine and eventually rose to the rank of General. He was, however very sensitive about his appearance. One day the General was interviewing three Marines for his personal aide. The first was an aviator, and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the General asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"
The young officer answered," why yes, sir. I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears." The general got very angry at the lack of tact and threw him out.
The second interview was with a female Lieutenant, and she was even better. The General asked her the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?"
She replied, "Well, sir, you have no ears." The General threw her out also. The third interview was with a Marine Gunny. He was articulate, looked extremely sharp and seemed to know more than the two officers combined (surprise).
The General wanted this guy, and went ahead with the same question, "Do you notice anything different about me?"
To his surprise the Gunny said, "Yes sir; you wear contacts lenses."
The General was very impressed and thought, what an incredibly observant Gunny, and he didn't mention my ears.
"And how do you know that I wear contacts?" The General asked.
The sharp-witted Gunny replied, "Well, sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no freaking ears."
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